I told "A"... (She knows who she is) lol. That I would blog about my intensely irritating day yesterday. And, well my day just got worse AFTER work, so I wasn't able to post.
Lets see... since it's been a minute since I posted, I guess I ought to update you all. I also had an internet issue only mine is self inflicted. I'm an idiot and while trying to put my laptop to "sleep" I accidentally turned off the internet connection. F3 and F4 are just sooo close! lol. I had an extremely frustrating week. Sunday, we had inventory at work, which is always my least favorite thing to do. Monday, well I posted Monday. Tuesday, I barely remember. But, I do remember that every day this week, I've had the worst headaches and most intense hot flashes!!!! And, oh... I got bad news from my dad, but we wont know more until next Monday. I hope what he said isn't going to turn out true. It's so hard to be so far away with things going on in the family. I'll just keep praying. Okay, so lets get to WEDNESDAY's horribleness. (Yes, I am using that as a word.)
I woke up Wednesday morning, expecting it to be like any other day. I got ready for work, and packed something to eat for lunch. I got in the car, and listened to a burned CD titled "Summer 2006", It was a good morning- Always fun to listen to old music and the memories that are tied with it. So, I'm singing along in my car, I get to work, go in... say hello and walk to the back to clock in, and this is where I get pretty angry...
Our District Manager sent an email to every store in her district, addressing two complaints she "SAYS" she has been receiving recently from every store... The complaints are: 1.) Customer Service. Meaning, we are not servicing our customers as we should. Are you kidding me...? I say "hello" to every customer, ask them if they need help finding anything, and if they do...I HELP THEM. I offer to order shoes. I go above and beyond for our needy, helpless customers. And, the second complaint is really what has me heated. 2.) Cell Phones. She claims she's had customers complain about cell phone use on the sales floor. And, said since we cannot stay off of our phones- we are no longer "ALLOWED" to bring our phones to work. Ha, not gonna happen. I am 23 years old. Not 7. And, I will be damned if someone is going to tell me I "can't" bring my personal belongings with me to work. I am so unbelievably mad about this. Granted, I am guilty of having my phone in my pocket at work, but I do not use it when we have customers in the store, I have pulled it out- for time purposes when I am not wearing a watch. But, I have no problem leaving it in the stock room. I do however, have a HUGE problem with being told not to bring it to work. And, on top of that we were told to sign this paper.. LMAO. I signed. But, that does not mean I will oblige... I'm pretty sure my manager didn't have any issues with this in OUR store... but I guess someone ruined it for the rest of us.
Another work complaint I have... remember the woman I spoke of in previous blog post about the woman I work with who works my nerves? She did it again. I bring my own pen to work. I'm weird like that. I don't like using the pens we have there, that EVERYONE, and customers use. I don't know where our customers hands have been. It's the same reason I don't touch doors or shopping carts. It's just something I do. Well, being that I bring it so that I am the only one touching it, you would think other people wouldn't touch it! But no... that wasn't the case. I used a pen with green ink. When I came back up front it was sitting on the daily "to-do" list and the woman who will not be named used it. It irritates me soo bad. She also hovers over me practically breathing down my neck and looking at what I am doing. She kept looking at my stack of papers as though it was hers. I just wanted to say "these are mine, stop staring at them... and do something productive, while also removing yourself from my person". Ughhhhhhhh.
Okay, so thennnn... (I'm full of complaints)... My brother and I are CONSTANTLY fighting. I thought once he got older he'd grow out of this- I was wrong. He texts me yesterday says "Hey Sis", sounds like a good start to me. Well, on my lunch break I reply and I said "Hey, sorry it took so long to reply, I am at work." He said "Okay, whats been up?" I told him nothing that I'm just being pissed at my job and he said "Lol miss u" I thought wow, for once a decent conversation with my little brother. I couldn't have been more wrong. He then starts bitching because I didn't tell him that we were trying to have a baby. Well, I thought he knew, for one. (Which he did, our mother told him). Well, he was pissed off because he said he shouldn't have to hear it from other people. I understand that, but I didn't tell him, for the same reason all 5 of my brothers don't know, and the same reason I didn't call my dad and tell him. THEY'RE GUYS. I didn't think they'd want to hear all about their sister/daughter having sex and trying to conceive. Am I wrong in assuming this??? I also didn't think he'd want to hear about the problems we've been having. One, he wouldn't understand, and two, I just never thought my brother would want me to tell him about my issues with ovulation and the meds I take and my doctor visits. I didn't realize he'd want to hear details of his sisters gyno appt. I guess I should start texting him after I do anything. For instance, I have to pee, should I text him and tell him I'm going pee, god-forbid he miss out on anything! Anyway, I told him I was sorry but that I didn't think he'd want to hear about my issues down there, and I said "lol" and he got all mad because he said it isn't funny. And, that I never call or text him or tell him anything. I said "THIS IS WHY!! Everytime we speak you are bitching about something!" That does NOT make me want to talk to him. I told him he is not happy unless he is bitching and pissed at someone. Well then he told me he's glad to see I take after our mom...? I said "I love my mother, and thats a compliment to me, so thank you" And, he said "Well, its not" Lmao, whatever. I said "Okay, lol" And, he said "Bye" I said "Bye, lol". Just adding the "lol's" to piss him off. Then I texted my mom and said "Your son is being an ass, per his usual... are you sure he is my brother?". And, that was that.
Okay, so then I go back to work, finish the b.s. that I needed to finish and well, I get home, and after already having a bad day... it just got worse. DH and I got into a bit of a fight, I will take all blame. I was being a complete bitch to him, and I guess taking my problems out on him. He worked all day and is sun burnt, I felt bad... but he was making me so mad. It was like I hadn't seen him all day and then when we finally could spend time he stood outside talked to his step-dad for an hour in the garage after having been with him all day. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal- and it wasn't. I just was bitching for no reason. It just seemed like I had been home for 3 hours and hadn't gotten a chance to talk to him for even 10 minutes. Okay, now that I'm typing this- it makes it seem so much less important that it seemed last night. I then, unleashed all my worries and what-if's on him. I was crying at this point saying "What if I didn't ovulate this month", "What if the medicine didn't work", "What if I ovulated but we didn't conceive".... we were laying in bed and he comforted me and tried to pacify all my worries. And, he helped a lot. He's a good man. He wants this just as bad as I do. And, I told him I feel like I'm holding him back or ruining his chances of experiencing fatherhood. I asked him if he'd leave me if we find out I cannot have a baby and he said no. He said I am not something he'd be willing to sacrifice to have a baby. That if he couldn't have one with me, he didn't want one. And, that he's more concerned about my health and well being. And, he said he's worried about my future happiness. He kept saying he wanted me to have a happy fulfilling life and he doesn't want me to not have that if we can't have a baby. I told him that if we can't have a baby, as long as I have him we'll make the most of our life together. But, I still hope we can expand our family. And, I am confident it will happen, It's just not going to be an easy journey. But, maybe we will appreciate eachother, and our marriage and it will all just keep bringing us closer. Deciding to start trying to have a baby has definitely strengthened our bond.
I also was upset the other day, worrying about what will happen to my body once we do have a baby. I am not "skinny" now, and I worry about post-baby body. DH tells me all the time, he doesn't care about that. But, I asked him to help me and he said he will always support me but that he loves me as is. And, he still will with the weight from a baby. I told him I'd like to join a gym with him afterward. And, he said he'd like that too. :) I am going to just try to enjoy every minute, and enjoy every day. This is a process, but it doesn't have to be work. This can be fun. I just need to remember that it will happen when it's time. And, as much as I hope thats sooner rather than later, I have to accept the fact that it might not be. In the meantime, we will enjoy and live each day to the fullest. Enjoy trying and be that much more excited when it does happen. :)
I think all my worries and negativity are coming from no longer taking my anti-anxiety meds. I think maybe I ought to start taking them again. But, I didn't want to be on them when we conceived. But, I also don't think the stress and anxiety would be good either. I don't know, maybe I should talk to my dr about that one. lol
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