Jealous
(Jel-uhs)
-adjective
1.) Feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success,or advantages.
In a nut shell... that's me.
While, I am very happy for everyone who has been successful in expanding their family. I am also jealous. Not, in a mean, childish way. Just in a ..."I want this too" kind of way.
It seems (yes, via facebook) I learn about someone new being pregnant every day. Whether it's someone I went to school with or a friend. I am soo happy for all of them, & think it's a great thing. But, I'm envious. Without trying to sound like a 13 yr old girl... Why me?... Why can't this happen for us?... I have so many questions. And, it seems there isn't an answer for them.
I also, find it interesting how so many girls...NOT trying to conceive end up pregnant, who are in my opinion- too young, or not yet capable, whether it be financially or another reason. Girls whose parents are left expected to provide for the child. Or, aren't sure who fathered their baby, or aren't even with the father. I understand, mistakes happen... and, I am no one to place judgement, but I am entitled to my opinion, and I'm also a little bitter.
I'm not getting my hopes up this month. As I understand, there doesn't seem to be a good chance for us. And, it's also probably unwise for us to continue the Clomid, as I've heard it can cause a lot of problems if taking a high dose for too long. I'm reading into other options such as IUI... but, it seems even with a procedure such as this, I still need to successfully ovulate. I guess we'll see what happens, and wait until our next dr appt before we over think or worry too much. I'm only 23. We have time.
I just want you to know, as I'm sure you do know, you are not alone. One of my good friends back home texted me the other night that she is now expecting. It caught me way off guard, and as happy as I am for her, I was equally jealous. She isn't married, and she didn't want to have kids for another ten years. Obviously, her tune changed about that, as she is excited as can be. But when I get this news around the same time as the news that I have to go back on birth control because my periods are too irregular to successfully know when I am ovulating... well, it was just bad timing for her great news. So you're not alone. I feel like TTC has turned me into this jealous monster, but as long as I put on a happy face for my friend, that's all I can do. The best of luck to you girlfriend!
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